Christmas Special 2012
10 things to keep you sane during the festive season
Big Jumbo Henderson's Tequila Christmas Cake
The vital incredients
- 1 cup sugar
- 1 tsp. baking powder
- 1 cup water
- 1 tsp. salt
- 1 cup brown sugar
- Lemon juice
- 4 large eggs
- 1 bottle tequila
- 2 cups dried fruit
Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl; check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon ice strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 s and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Happy Jack's refuge from piss poor TV, Drunk on Christmas, a very #sophisticated cocktail
A delicious recipe for Drunk on Christmas, with Midori® melon liqueur, Tullamore Dew® Irish whiskey, apple schnapps, sweet and sour mix, ice cubes and maraschino cherries.
3 oz Midori® melon liqueur
2 oz Tullamore Dew® Irish whiskey
1 oz apple schnapps
4 oz sweet and sour mix
Mix and shake irish whiskey, midori, and apple schnapps with ice. Fill whiskey sour glass with ice. Strain mixture over ice in glass. Fill with sweet and sour mix. Garnish with several free floating maraschino cherries.
Serve in: Whiskey Sour Glass
Christmas video at its best
No more iq-factor, Strictly Come Something or other crap here is your very own Christmas Special to bring a tear to a glass eye.
Angel on top of the Christmas tree
Have you ever wondered why there is always a beautiful angel placed on top of the Christmas Tree? Well our intrepid reporters hacked into the emails of a well known Santa and found that this is the reason why.....
This One Year Santa Was Having A Very Bad Day. His Wife Didn't Give Him None, He Had A Hangover From The Night Before, Non Of The Elves Were On Schedule, The Kids Were All Bitching And Whining And Unappreciative. He Went To Have A Drink But All The Liqure Was Gone, Everyone Was Demanding That He Do Something, The House Was A Mess And He Stubbed His Toe On A Broken Toy And So He Started To Cuss And Shout And He Was Really Pissed. Just Then The Doorbell Rang And It Was An Angel With A Beautiful New Christmas Tree. "where Should I Put This Santa?"
All I Want for Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Kit
As the descriptor for the video below states -
In 1986, Birkenhead band Half Man Half Biscuit - punk ethic purveyors of satire, social commentary, parody and angst - released their debut single, "The Trumpton Riots". On the B-side was the now legendary track, "All I want for Christmas is a Dukla Prague away kit": the finest study of adolescent obsession, frustration, rivalry, violence and table football ever to grace the wrong side of a bit of vinyl.
The 10 Worst things about Christmas
1. The pubs are too full.
I don't need the time
of year for an excuse to go out drinking until late! the rest of you are just
2. Pretending to like shit presents.
Mavis, how on earth did you know I always wanted a hand knitted mohair
straightjacket? How thoughtful of you!"
3. Having to buy everyone else presents.
How many kids have your brothers and sisters got now? How expensive are 'safe' little children's toys and clothes!?
4. Repetitive TV.
I don't know about
you, but if I see The Upper Hand Christmas special one more time I am going to hunt down
and maim Joe McGann.
5. Santa Claus wears red because of coca cola.
Yes, its true! Before
those merchants of tooth decaying juice used him in their marketing campaigns,
Saint Nicholas was widely thought to wear green and white, like his
6. Spending time with my family.
7. Christmas decorations.
You stumble in home
late after the pub and get attacked by tinsel. You tread on one of the
Christmas tree lights and they all go out.
8. Carol singers.
If you turn up on my
doorstep and start making that racket again this year I'm going to call the
police like last time.
We only agree to
celebrate it because they let us have time off work for it. Don't be giving me
any of this frankincense and myrrh crap!
10. The Queens speech.
Who the hell does she think she is?
Press Release: Christmas Downsizing
A Perfect Christmas
Lou Reed may have sung about a Perfect Day but for this happy, perfect couple, what was perfect about their Christmas.
Please click on the image above to follow their path to perfection